Walking back from the library at night: an exercise in the senses

     Isn't snow just beautiful? Especially on a perfect night, like tonight. I love how you can't see snowflakes falling right beside you, but when you look over at a street lamp there they are drifting gently down just waiting to be noticed. And if you try to look way up into the sky to see their origin, you lose track of them altogether; but when you start focusing closer and closer to your face you see them, materializing as if out of nowhere and fluttering about, dancing in the air. It seems like there are so many flying around you that you should be covered, but barely a drop touches your skin. And on an absolutely perfect night, with no wind, you can stand outside in a sweatshirt for a long time and just watch this perfect show without even shivering.
     Snow is so quiet. It isn't like rain, that has to stormily announce its coming with pounding on the roof and tinkling in puddles and rushing through streets and storm drains. If you never looked out the window you'd never know it was snowing. It just unassumingly descends to the ground, going about its business whether people care to watch or not.
     And then to reach out your tongue and catch a flake, that first sweet taste of winter. There's nothing inherently more special about tasting a snowflake as compared to tasting a raindrop, except that it's just better. It's light and fluffy and cold and wet and more satisfying than anyone who's never done it could imagine.
    I don't even care that snow is cold. For some reason it only feels unpleasant if you're lying in a large pile of it for a long time and start to get wet. Then maybe you get pretty chilled. But just walking through snow is a delight. The touch of a snowflake is the lightest, sweetest kiss. It lasts for a moment; til you look down to see what touched you it's just a droplet of water on the tip of your arm hair. It doesn't feel the need to soak you like rain does. It simply melts away and disappears. It's still a mystery where the snow that lands on your hand goes.
     It's really a shame that it's so hard to capture snow falling at night with a camera. You can't see the blend of gray to darker gray, with lighter gray and white speckled on top, on a screen. You can't make out how perfectly the snow contrasts with the glow of the streetlamp, the still green leaves on the trees. But it's there, if you just look. And the feelings aren't too far behind.

A short moment of poetry by Angela

Sorry guys, this is completely random and not my usual style. Really wanted to share this though. I don't know if you can call it poetry or not. It seems just about anything can be poetry if you read it right. Read this right.

Honestly. 

I don’t understand you.
      I don’t know why you do what you do. I don’t know why you think what you think or feel what
      you feel.
I don’t understand you.
     I don’t know how your pain feels. I don’t know what you put yourself through when you’re alone
     or what you’re hiding when we’re together.
I don’t understand you.
     I can’t offer advice, because our stories are different. I can’t tell you what you’re doing is wrong,
     or that you should do it my way.
I don’t understand you.
     I am not a mind reader. I am not a therapist. I am not a garbage disposal for all your dark thoughts.
I don’t understand you.
     I can listen. I can be a sounding board. I can try to empathize. I am trying. But
I cannot understand you.
     I wish I could.

UPDATE: For everyone who's asking, this isn't about any one person in particular. It is not about you. It's just a poem based on a feeling. Not an attack aimed at someone specific.

40 Love Dares

     For those of you who have never seen the movie Fireproof, you should probably go watch it right now. Especially if you're a hopeless romantic like me who's prone to saying things like "Back off scumbag, she's married!" or "Oh, he did something sweet, please notice please notice please notice...why didn't you notice?!?!?!?!" or "Awww! Yay God! Yay marriage working! Yay love! Wooooo!" while watching movies. (By the way, I sincerely apologize to anyone who was bugged by my running narration last night. I am not and have never been a quiet movie watcher. I'm working really hard on learning to restrain myself.)
     But basically, the movie chronicles 40 days of the life of a man whose marriage is falling apart and shows his attempts to save it despite his wife's resistance. And God is woven in there as well, because who is better qualified to help save you marriage than Jesus Christ? Pretty much no one.
     Whoever decided I should watch Fireproof last night must not know me very well, or else doesn't care that I will now be obsessed with trying to recreate the 40 day love dare in my life for at least a week. Even as the movie was going on, I caught myself surfing the internet on my phone trying to find a list somewhere. I eventually managed to locate one late last night, and I'm determined to see it through to the end (so I say...we'll see how it works out). For the record, I am not married. But I feel like almost all of them can be applied to non-marriage relationships (with the exception of at least one day I know I'll have to skip - I'll cross that bridge when I come to it). Maybe it defeats the purpose to use it on a non-marital relationship. I don't know, but I really don't care. I am seized with vigor and I will try this. So with no further ado, Day 1: Love is Patient.

     This day was easier than I thought it would be as patience is not really a virtue that I possess. I did have one slip up but other than that I managed to keep a positive spin on most things. It sounds cliche but it's actually amazing how differently the day goes when you have a positive attitude. A lot of things that normally would have sent me into a fit today sent me instead to my wrist where I could read my reminder, and I chose to laugh, smile, or close my eyes instead. And the magical thing was, my day wasn't bad because I didn't give in to anger. I don't have any less sense of fulfillment tonight looking back and realizing how many people, objects, and situations I didn't unleash my wrath on. So it's possible that no one else noticed my love dare today, but it definitely improved my outlook on life.
     I also spent some time alone today just reflecting on what it meant to be patient. This is something I want to make more time for in the future. I've never been big on quiet reflection but today it was refreshing and almost kind of fun to retreat into myself, and I feel like I may have learned a thing or two.
     All in all, I think the 40 Love Dares is something I could stick with. I'm interested to see where this journey takes me. And I invite you to join me on this crazy path...because otherwise I will be way less likely to go through with it. Much love!
     P.S. Just a note: I did a whole post on just the first day so I could introduce the topic and such, but I'm probably not going to do one post individually for every single day. I'll likely end up combining several days together but I will try to touch on each day in a post at some point.

Call me a freshman, I'll just tell you "thanks"

     I never pictured myself at a small school. Advertisements boasting "Small class sizes!" and "Discussion based classes!" were never appealing to me. I was ready to head out into the big wide world and allow myself to be lost in it, hiding behind the personalities of people much more confident than me, sitting in the 76th row of a lecture hall and dutifully copying notes with no fear of having to answer a question out loud. I wanted to dive into the college experience holding my breath and stay underwater as long as possible. I wanted to be able to be lost in the crowd the way I never could be as the valedictorian of my high school graduating class of 104. So how on earth did I end up at Saint Francis University (undergraduate population 1,746 and average class size 21)? I have no idea.
     What I do know is that whatever brought me here, to a university where there are fewer people in my classes than there were in high school and even kindergarten, I'm glad I came. There's something about this place that gives you a feeling that's hard to describe to someone who hasn't felt it. Prospective students feel it the moment they step foot on campus - there's something about certain places that just makes you think "This is a good place. It's nice here. I like it. I want to be a part of this." And whatever it is that causes that, Saint Francis has it.
     I'm not going to try to sound like a sap and be all "Everyone's so close here, it feels like a family, I can tell I'm meeting people I'll be friends with for the rest of my life," because honestly there are people who aren't so nice and I have no idea if I'll stay in touch with these people for the rest of my life. I'd like to stay in touch with a lot of them but we'll see. But regardless of whether or not I meet my lifelong best friends here, there's something about a chapel full of college kids participating in student-led praise and worship. There's something about having a free activity to do every night, a comedian or musician or movie or craft night. There's something about seeing your Introduction to Literature professor serving as the leader of song at mass on Sunday morning, and having him greet you by name afterward. There's something about being able to prop your door open and have people stop by and just chat for a few minutes, see how you're doing, what you're up to.
    Maybe it happens at bigger universities, too; I don't know now and I probably won't ever know really. But I'd bet my bottom dollar that it just feels better here. There's something about Saint Francis that just feels right, and I hope to never lose that feeling as I go through my next five years here. Call me a freshman, but I am, and always will be, proud to be a Saint Francis University student.

To the girl who walked in on me in the basement bathroom today

Dear girl whose name I may never know,
     We may never meet again. You seem to hope that will be the case, as you ran away from the scene before I had a chance to come out and defend myself. Had you stuck around, I would've told you not to worry about it. I fully expected to be walked in on, because the door wasn't locked. I tried my hardest to lock it, I promise, but it just was not meant to be. I am aware that the sign on the door says to jiggle the door and press the bottom corner in if you have trouble getting the lock to stick, but I was in a situation of dire urgency and didn't have the time to carry out this delicate process of trying to lock the door. I thought to myself, "I'll just make this quick, no one comes down here anyway." So I'll take full responsibility for jinxing the situation. There really is nothing about this whole ordeal for you to be ashamed of. I just wanted you to know that, and know that I don't hold a grudge, and if we ever see each other again I probably won't even recognize you because I've only seen your shoes. But the fact that you ran away makes me feel like you think that I am angry, or embarrassed, when really I just want there not to be hard feelings between us. I hope that this can be a reality.
     Sincerely,
    That idiot girl who doesn't know how to lock a door