It's hard to look back on where I was a year ago today and believe that I am the same person now as I was then...and in a lot of ways I would contest that I am not actually the same Angela as I was 365 days ago. That Angela feels in a weird way like she is a day and a decade away at the same time. It's actually difficult to think backwards and chronologically remember everything that has happened between now and last November, but there are some general impressions I have of this year and some big lessons I learned. A lot of what happened over the last year is part of a long story, a story of a lifetime of joy and hurt and confusion. The story isn't all mine to share, so I won't share it, but I can summarize: you never know who is hurting on the inside. Often, it's not the people you would suspect. And often, there's not much you can actually do to fix it. Or at least, there's nothing you can do if you have a set preconception of what exactly "fixed" looks like.
Although the story isn't mine, I think I have exclusive rights to the lessons I learned from it and can share those. The biggest thing for me was this: Trust in God. Sometimes, there are situations in which you personally are powerless. Those situations are the scariest, because all most of us really want in life is to have control over what's happening to us. But that can't always be. Sometimes, you just have to say a little prayer and give the situation over to God to make what He can of it. You might be surprised by how well he can handle it.
Another thing I learned is to accept life's challenges and focus on beating them - don't waste energy trying to deny what's in front of you. Nothing is going to change just by you denying it exists, so don't bother trying to pretend a situation that's right in front of you isn't there. Act on it. Never wait to do what's right. There is no guarantee you'll have a second chance if you pass this one up.
Love intensely and unconditionally. Because why not? Contrary to popular belief it is not possible to love too much. How could you possibly put too much of something as good as love into this world? There is always someone out there looking for some love, and you could always be the one to give it. Earth would be a pretty dull place if no one ever loved anyone. Love your spouse. Love your siblings. Love your parents, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles and estranged random relatives. But also love your cashier at the grocery store. Love your mailman. Love your bus driver, your 8AM professor, and the cleaning lady in your building. Love the person opposite the intersection from you. Love yourself, really love yourself; love yourself as well as you love everyone else. Love them all as much as you can, and then love them more. For it is in giving, that we receive.
Most importantly, never, ever, EVER give up. Even when it seems like you've lost the war. Because you never know which battle will be your last until you've won it and survived past it, and just doing that takes so much. Because God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. Because you'd be surprised how much you have in you when you really try. Because even when you're at your lowest point, God is still above all things just waiting to stand you back up. Because nothing worth having comes easy. And because some of the best people in our lives are sent to help us through our worst times.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)
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