If You're Happy and You Know It

     For as long as I can remember, I have always hated being happy. My favorite times of the year, Christmas and Thanksgiving, were also my happiest times of the year; and yet these beautiful days were tainted endlessly by the knowledge that eventually the day would be over, the food eaten, the cousins gone, and life back to its daily grind.
     For a few years I tried to resist the happiness. I would tell myself not to bother to get excited over these single days, because all too soon they would be gone. I approached Christmas with about as much excitement as I approached writing an essay - there might be a mildly enjoyable moment or two, but eventually the work would be done and it would be time to forget it all. Don't freak out. There's no point.
     If you know me (and especially if you've just recently gotten to know me) then it is needless to say that this was IMPOSSIBLE to keep up for long. I get far too excited about most things, and holidays are even more exciting than most things. So for the last few years, I've allowed myself to feel the incredible happiness and excitement. Not just on holidays, but on sunny days, snowy days, warm days, days I get to spend time with friends, days I'm super productive, days I spend relaxing, and so many other days.
    The problem with this happiness is that even though I'm allowing myself to feel it, it is still accompanied by the sadness of knowing the time is limited. I've been allowing the sadness to overcome the happiness. I've avoided situations that may cause happiness so that I don't have to face the sadness. I thought it was for the best.
     I was wrong. Avoiding happy situations didn't take the sadness away. It just made it a different kind of sadness. And that kind of sadness is even less bearable than the kind that comes from happiness, because at least the latter occurs when there are people around to pick me back up.
     Today I finally figured out something that I should have known from the start: Just because happy times have to end eventually isn't any reason to spend the whole time dreading what will come later. Because what will come, will come. And the only part I can control is what comes in between.